thankful for my momma

It's been a long, strange day.  Let me begin by assuring you that all is well on Marquesa.  Cap'n and I are fine; life is good.  I have no complaints.  Please don't attempt to read between the lines here; there is no hidden meaning. 

Let me back up a few hours...

Cap'n worked his fool self all day today, down in the engine compartment; and it was a hot, humid day here in the Keys.  The air was so heavy and thick, there surely is a storm on the horizon.

It may be a bit difficult to see in this photo, but the Gulf
of Mexico looked electric today.  The blue was brilliant
blue, and the green was a vibrant green. 

As I came out of Marquesa to hop on my clownbike to pedal, pedal, pedal to town to run errands, I couldn't help but be distracted by the water.  It looked too beautiful if that's even possible.  I have noticed before, that when the water looks this "bright", there is, in fact, a storm on the horizon.  That was confirmed late this afternoon.  The talk on the dock was thunderstorms tonight with winds gusting 40-50mph.  When Donnie finished wiring the fuel gauge, worked on the transmission, and topped off the batteries with water, we spent the next hour checking and retying all of our dock lines, fenders, and such.  Cap'n took the motor off the dinghy and hung it on the stern rail of Marquesa.  We then positioned the dinghy better and cross tied it for the weather coming in.  The NOAA report suggested that a front with rain, thunderstorms, and heavy winds will be moving through starting after 11pm.  They are predicting wind gusts of 40-50 mph.  Other boat owners were scrambling on the docks, making preparations.

After dinner was over, I peeped my head out, and it was flat calm out there.  Eerily calm....reminds me of Dead Calm.  The air was so thick; we had to close up the boat and turn on the A/C. It was still nearly 80 degrees at 9pm.  Something was definitely brewing out there.  After our showers, Donnie checked the radar.  It was all lit up red and yellow over Ft. Jefferson and the Dry Tortugas at the time.  That is what looked to be heading our way...

Willis is unconcerned about the weather....he's just happy to have a
fan blowing his direction while he does what he does best...flops.
If it kicks up as predicted, he and I may both be sleeping in the salon.

I snapped this pic of a giant white crane on the dock next
to us.  He too, seemed unconcerned about the weather.
To me, he represents the calm before the storm.

And this leads me to the deeper thoughts that have occupied my mind all afternoon and most of the evening.  There have been several storms brewing in these parts as of late.  When I reflect on these things, I am reminded of my momma, and how thankful I am for her wisdom she has passed down to me.  Let me start by saying that earlier today, I received a sweet "out of the blue" text from our oldest daughter that said, "If I haven't told you lately, I'm so glad you're my parents."  We then had a conversation about this, which was a bit serendipitous as I had been thinking those same thoughts about my own momma earlier in the day.  Life is funny like that.  There is no such thing as a coincidence, in my book.

When I was a little girl, and my mother tried to explain my father's alcoholism to me and their impending separation/divorce, she sat me down in my aunt's living room, took my hands, looked me in the eye and said, "I have something very important to tell you, and I need you to listen and to try to understand.  Each person is responsible for their actions and the repercussions of those actions, be it good or bad."  I have never forgotten those words; and I heard them often growing up.  When I begged her to be able to start 'car dating' at just 14 years old, and my first boyfriend came to pick me up she said, "Remember, Karyn, each person is responsible for their...."  I said, "I know, I KNOW!!!" as I hurried out the door.  They were weighty words, that held more and more meaning as I grew up, went to college, and left home.  She taught me to be responsible.  She taught me to be accountable.  She taught me to think about the choices I made in life.  She taught me to think about how I treated others.  She taught me that dad's drinking problem was not my fault. or hers. He was responsible for his own actions, too- and the consequences of those actions.  In the end, it cost him his family.  It cost him his business.  It cost him his good reputation.  And at 47 years old, far too young, it cost him his life.  He was a product of his own undoing. I witness this all the time; in the classroom, in my student's families, in stories I hear at church, on the street, in that marina, even in my own extended family, etc.

Let me preface all of this by saying I love the boating life.  I love the sunshine, the ocean, the wind in my face.  I love the sound when the sails snap and catch the wind.  I love the freedom of living 'unplugged' from the trappings of consumerism and society.  I love being at anchor somewhere, knowing we traveled there by the God-given wind, and all of our physical needs are met from the solar panels and wind generator.  I love the quiet of an anchorage; no TV, no internet, often no phone....just me and my husband, and my Willis....and a good book.  However, there is one downside to the boating life- to living in paradise.  I see it in the marina far too often.  I see it when I pedal, pedal, pedal my clown bike to town.  I see it everywhere. 

What I see are the reminders of drug and alcohol addiction, and the painful fall out that occurs as a result.  Don't get me wrong, there are many fine people here.  Many I consider to be good friends. However, there is a large homeless population.  The bars stay plenty busy until 4am nightly.  There is a dirty little secret in the boating community, and that is far too much drinking (and drugs) occurs down here.  Boaters are notorious partiers.  They toast to living in paradise.  They toast to a good day of fishing.  They toast the setting sun.  They toast whatever else it is they toast.  Afterall, It's Five O'clock Somewhere.  While many of them are happy 'social drinkers', others have more serious problems with alcohol.  Like our friend, Bill, who was nearly killed a few weeks ago on his bicycle.  He wasn't hit by a drunk driver, he was the drunk driver.  He has a long road to recovery ahead of him, and I hope he comes to realize that God spared him because He has a far better life in store for him.  Seeing all of this drinking makes me melancholy.  I know I am acutely sensitive to people who are drunk, or to those who are just plain disrespectful.  The language that comes with heavy drinking is just. too. much. for me.

Another valuable lesson taught to me by my momma was the Bible.  She has some of her own ideas about religion and the afterlife, that I don't necessarily ascribe to, but the lesson in accountability she really drove home.  Some people call it Karma.  Some people say it's Newton's physics.  Some people say it's just the way the world works.  Galations 6:7-9 speaks about "you reap what you sow."  While this passage is also a lesson in accountability and consequences, it also speaks to the values of hard work, kindness, and morality.  I try to live by it.  If you put "good stuff" out there, "good stuff" comes back to you.  Work hard, reap the rewards.  Be kind, you get kindness in return.  Make good choices, reap positive outcomes.  Make bad choices, then don't be surprised when the s**t hits the fan, and certainly don't blame others for YOUR bad choices.

Far too often in this community, I witness drinking that has gone too far, partying that has lasted too long into the night or the next morning.  It ends up the same; sickness, sorrow, yelling, tears, and sometimes even the police are called.  It's happened again, and it makes me melancholy.  Even Jim Irsay, the owner of the Indianapolis Colts made the news today because of his addictions.   http://www.indystar.com/story/sports/kravitz/2014/03/17/kravitz-irsay-fighting-for-his-life-needs-help/6523925/  Sadly, the problem of drugs and alcohol is everywhere.  It knows no bounds.

The latest episode in paradise involved a small child caught in the crossfire of a parent's bad choices, and that just straight up makes my heart hurt.  Stupid people, making stupid choices, dragging their children in their stupid messes, and it's the children who suffer most of all.  Marriages and families are destroyed by it, and the children are powerless.  These kids simply try their best to weather the storm, and hope for a better day tomorrow.  But for far too many children, tomorrow is no better, and that downright depresses the hell out of me.  Worse yet, the majority will end up just like their parents, because it's the only kind of life they've ever known. So, as this storm blows through tonight, I also hope for a tomorrow that is better. 

I am a Christian, and what I witness time and again is man's selfish, sinful nature.  It is a constant struggle as a human being.  It is my struggle daily.  To say the right thing.  To do the right thing.  To handle our conflicts in the right way.  To put our own selfish wants and desires aside.  Through God, with His love, forgiveness, and grace, we are promised a life far better than we could ever imagine here on this earth, if we simply trust, believe, and follow Him and His word   I am so thankful for my heavenly Father.  and my momma.